That scene you're afraid to write

Some reminders about where to find me next. I would love to see/meet some of you in person!

Joint reading / conversation with Vanessa Cuti, author of The Tip Line
Monday, April 24, 7:00 p.m.
The Next Chapter, Huntington, NY

Joint reading / conversation with Richard Mirabella, author of Brother & Sister Enter the Forest
Spring Writes Literary Festival
Saturday, May 13, 5:15–6:45 p.m.
The Downstairs, Ithaca, NY

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Hi friends,

This week I’m thinking about fear.

When I had to put my new novel on pause a few months ago, I left off at a crucial moment in the story — and one I had no idea how to write, or even to research. My characters have to deal with a dead body.

Monday was my first day getting back to the novel, and I’ve been nervous about how to reenter the world I’ve created. It’s all very fresh and there’s not much there yet. Plus, the dead body. I told myself I would skip it and ease back in by taking notes, doing some freewriting. I found an old (no-dead-body) scene I’d written in my notebook and typed it up.

Then Tuesday came and that unwritten scene was still bugging me. I was brewing coffee for #5amWritersClub, and then it hit me that I was actually more than a little nervous to write it. I was afraid — in a way that was making me wish the coffee would take longer to brew because I was worried about settling down to work.

I thought back to some of the most recent scenes and stories I’d felt scared to attempt in order to remember how I’d handled those. In each case, just like this one, I had an understandable craft-related reason. I hadn’t researched something enough or I was trying a new POV or it was a genre I hadn’t attempted before. I think most of us know this fear — of coming up against our own talents and abilities. A blank page is not only a thing to be conquered, it’s a judgment. A dare. It’s uncomfortable to stare down your own sense of self-worth.

But as I thought about it, I discovered there was something else behind the fear too. Each time I’ve been afraid to write a scene, it’s also been because it was one that would bring me deeper into the heart of whatever theme/idea/obsession had drawn me to the project to begin with. It’s scary to come face to face with what’s lurking there, in that deep place.

But it also occurred to me that if we want to write the best books or stories or poems we can, then we can’t avoid these deep places. In fact, these scenes that scare us to write are likely the ones we most need to get out. Once I realized this, I decided to view the fear as an invitation — to dive in head first and see what I might meet there.

As I write this newsletter, the scene is not yet finished, but so far I’m pleasantly surprised by what’s manifested! I can always go back and edit it later, but for now I’m not letting myself off the hook until it’s done. And I’m already seeing how the new content is having a good impact on character development and will help me go deeper with the rest of the novel.

Please know that I’m not a therapist of any kind. And I’m not advocating for anyone to face a fear on their own that would be healthier to explore with a mental health professional. Here I’m talking about the kinds of fear we know we can manage if we trust ourselves. This is something every person needs to determine for themselves.

How do you get your words flowing in the face of fear? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Meanwhile, I look forward to next time.

Yours,

Jen