The great unknowns

Or how to make friends with uncertainty

Hi friends,

As I’ve been scheduling and attending book launch events, chatting with readers, and finishing up edits on my novel-in-progress, I’ve been thinking a lot about how lucky I am to do this work and to connect with all of you in this unique and meaningful way. It truly is a gift, and I thank you.

With Margot Douaihy at the Bureau of General Services—Queer Division on March 12!

At the same time, I’ve also been keenly aware of the myriad of unknowns we face in our quest to write and publish our work. When we embark on a new story, we don’t know if it will go as planned — or anywhere at all. When we submit a story for publication or query an agent for a novel, we don’t know what they’re REALLY looking for or what kind of process they use to decide. When we do publish, we often don’t know who’s reading our work or buying it or whether anyone will review it or if it will get chosen for Oprah’s book club or win an award. We don’t even know if we’ll ever get to do it again.

No matter where you are on the journey (unless you’re Stephen King), writing comes with a lot of uncertainty. And uncertainty can be very uncomfortable, especially if you feed it, say by obsessively checking your sales numbers on BookScan and your sales ranking on Amazon. Ahem, not that I’m doing either of those things (but I promise I’m going to stop, Pam).

So how do we learn to make friends with this uncertainty? Because for those of us who are not repeat bestselling authors, it’s not going anywhere, and I, for one, would like a healthier relationship with it.

First, and I’ve said this before in different contexts, I find it very grounding to focus on the thing I love most about writing — which is writing. The reason I do this is because nothing makes me feel more at peace with myself or this crazy world than sitting quietly with my cats wrestling with some big issue or character or plot point. I love it, and it fulfills me. Full stop. That’s why I do it and why I’ll continue to do it regardless of any tangible outcomes that are beyond my control.

Second, even when I can’t finish a piece to my satisfaction or publish it, if it feels important to me, I make sure to share it with other writing friends, usually in a writing group. Not everything has to or should be published in order to find its readers. Some work is meant to be shared with only one or two people, and that connection still matters. Our lives are enriched and our minds are opened when we share our creative expression with one another on any scale.

As far as everything else goes, it’s all outside our control. When I find myself stressing out over the uncertainties, it’s because I’m holding on too tight to the idea that I can do something about them, to manifest the outcomes I want.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not telling anyone to give up on publishing or promoting their work. But we owe it to ourselves to focus the bulk of our attention on the things that ground us and the things we can control. My job is to keep showing up and giving it my all. And I have to trust the publishers and booksellers and reviewers and readers to do their part, however it turns out. My work has to have its own life, whether it looks like the one I want for it or not. At some point, I have to let go.

Besides, uncertainty itself is not all bad, and life without it would in fact be pretty dull. Sometimes uncertainty is the proof you’re putting yourself out there and having the courage to believe in yourself. Sometimes it’s the lure of a new career or the deep pull to have a baby or a pet. Sometimes it’s the hot stranger flirting with you at a party. Will they be your next great love? Who knows? But it’s fun to dream — and, let’s face it, we all need dreams.

Until next time, I wish you a good balance of groundedness and aspiration. You deserve both.

Yours,

Jen